The Summons

#5


Will you come and follow me


If I but call your name?

Will you go where you don't know

And never be the same

Will you let my love be shown?

Will you let my name be known?

Will you let my life be grown in you

and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind,

If I but call your name?

Will you care for cruel and kind

And never be the same?

Will you risk the hostile stare

Should your life attract or scare?

Will you let me answer prayer in you

and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see

If I but call your name

Will you set the prisoners free

And never be the same?

Will you kiss the lepers clean,

And do all of the unseen?

And admit to what I mean in you

And you in me?

Lord, your summons echo true

When You but call my name

Let me turn and follow you


And never be the same

In your company I'll go

Where your love and footsteps show

Thus I'll move and live and grow in you

And you in me

This is a song that I learned when I was younger. For a long time it has stuck with me because it is so meaningful to me and my life. Whenever I think about my future, or what I am going to do, I am reminded of this song and it encourages me. I love how it is about leaving myself behind and just living out God's will. His will is to love other people, even through hostility and turmoil. He calls every Christian to that. It's a pretty simple calling, it is usually in different ways though. In my life, I want to do this through nursing. My favorite part of this song is the last verse, where the person being called is accepting the calling. It also reminds me that I shouldn't just accept it and try to live out God's will, but I need to dwell in Him in order for me to do anything good.

Loving the person

#4
Yesterday I went to my resident's room, and as soon as I walked in I realized she had not slept well the night before. I knew this because she was so irritable and not herself. Usually when I greet her with a smile, she usually smiles back. This little "good morning smile" is the highlight of my day. But there was no smile this morning. The first thing she said when I walk in was, "Where have you been? Are you here to help? Go clean out my dresser drawers." Willingly I did it, and then helped her with her morning care. That was not the end of it though. She soon ordered me to rearranged her bathroom drawers, to re-hang everything in her closet, to re-fold everything in her dressers, and to decorate her room with some Halloween decoration (which she was never content with how it looked). I was getting a headache, and there were other things that I needed to be doing. Then after 4 hours of that, she was tired and I transferred her to her bed, and she laid down for a nap. My head hurt and I was stressed because I did not do the things I needed to be doing, like physical assessment practice, or Gordon's part II and I now needed to catch up. I went to ProM (Professor Morgenroth) and told her about my morning. She gave a little of her wise insight. She explained to be how it is easy to love people when they love you back. She explained that I have to put myself in my resident's place. If I had not slept well that night because I was shaking from Parkinson's, and needed to clean but was too tired to do anything, and wanted some attention, I would probably act in a similar fashion. She explained that I need to love them even when they are not so lovable. Why? Because of the mere fact that she is a person and she is made in the image of God just like anyone. That is the reason I love and help her, and should not be dependent on anything else.

Called to...serve????

#3
Going through college I made myself a vision board. A vision board is something I was taught to do in speech class. It was a tangent that our class went off on, when our professor told us to never forget our dreams. She said we could even make "vision boards" to keep our dreams in plain view. Then every time we saw the board we would be constantly reminded of our dreams, it would encourage us to keep fighting for them. We would remember to run the race with endurance. So I made my vision board and hung it on my wall. It consisted of pictures of everywhere in the world I wanted to go to help people. It had a poem on it that would encourage me each time I would read it. But the main point of the board was something written in big decorated letter which said, "Called to Serve." I wrote that because I knew that, above anything, that was what I wanted to do. Whether that be through nursing or helping in a church or just being a good friend to someone, I knew that was it. As Jesus washed his disciples feet, he called us to be servants of each other. I have decided to be a servant to people through the nursing profession.

But it wasn't until I started clinical that I realized how hard "serving" actually is!!!! It so easy to say and preach, and even make a vision board about. But when it comes to waking up at 4am, going to deal with people that don't necessarily want you there always, working with staff that think you are getting in the way, learning beginning skills like changing depends and peri care, and loving people who may not even remember you tomorrow makes this a little more interesting. The first few days I remember stopping one day, finding myself on my knees in front of an woman who is angry because she is in pain (her legs were aching from her Parkinson's disease), washing her legs and rubbing icy hot on them, trying to soother her pain. My body was exhausted, my knees were hurting, she was bossy and mean, and I really did not want to be helping her at the moment.

When I went home, I reflected on my day. I laughed to myself...so this is what serving is all about! If I only knew it was not as easy as I thought it was. Then I started to feel content and a peace, because I knew this was what I was supposed to be doing. I am living the dream, and serving people with all my heart, even though it is not always fun. This is my calling, and I am living it out.

Social Issues Interview

#2.
I was in the group that interviewed Rosemary Kneeling. I asked her a question about how did she integrate her faith into nursing. Her response really stuck with me. She explained how it was really hard for her to exactly "preach" due to modern limitations. She didn't speak the Bible at every bedside she was at. She said the way she integrated her faith was by "showing" the Bible. Her actions showed the love, respect, and kindness of Jesus. She didn't just show this to her patients but to all her colleagues as well. She explained it was not always easy, but in times when it was hardest was when the Spirit of the Lord was most evident. A quote a wrote down by her was, "Show through actions, and finally, when necessary, speak."

My First Clinical Week

#1
This week was our first clinical rotation. My group is at Bethany at Silver Lake, which is long-term care facility. I was so nervous and excited that I, along with the other girls I drove, arrived at the clinical site a half an hour early. Yet as we walked in, an unexpected resentment started to build up in me. I walked through the halls, and saw the residents in the hallway either asleep sitting in their wheelchairs, or moving slowly through the hallways with their walkers. I cringed at the smell of stale fabric and old urine. I was thinking to myself how would I do this, if I was already beginning to dislike it. In that split moment I started feeling despair and hopeless. I started thinking this isn't what I wanted to be doing the rest of my life. Those thoughts scared me, since I had put so much work to get this far-to make it to my first day of clinical. But then during orientation I was reminded of why I was here. Our orientation leader talked with passion about the residents there. I realized that those people were once young and productive people, and their lives were full of excitement and hope, just as mine is now. But disease overtook their bodies against their will, and they now have a new kind of life. I knew that I was there to love them in their despair and help them in their helplessness. Then I got to meet the resident I would be taking care of, and a whole new reality came into my view. I was now responsible for this woman's care. I observed that my resident has acquired a certain pessimistic attitude over the years. She has been at that facility for 3 years, and feels hopeless and lonely. But when I walked in behind the CNA to meet her and greeted her with a smile, she responded positively. I knew then that it would be my goal to bring a new life and hope into her life. Throughout the next two days I was able to interact with her and talk with her. I changed my first real depends, and gave my first real bed bath! Then on the second day after having changed 4 depends, and was on my 5th one, my resident said something that made me think. She blurted without warning, "I bet you never thought you were going to be wiping people's bottoms for your career." I just laughed, but my mind was quietly racing. I wanted to respond defensively but I kept my response to myself. I was thinking she was right, this wasn't exactly the dream. But my dream is bigger than bathing people and changing depends. It is the fact that I am helping them do what they cannot do for themselves, and what most people would shy away from doing for someone else. I am showing a love that goes beyond the ordinary. I dream to mimic my Jesus. He showed his love to everyone: the bad, the ugly, the rude, the strong, the weak, and probably even the stinky. He kissed the lepers clean when no one would even walk in their general direction. I wanted to share THAT dream with her.

All I hope now as I return next week for clinical is that I can keep that in mind. I hope I will not grow cold or tired of serving these people, but my dream and passion for people will be renewed every hour I am there.