My First Clinical Week

#1
This week was our first clinical rotation. My group is at Bethany at Silver Lake, which is long-term care facility. I was so nervous and excited that I, along with the other girls I drove, arrived at the clinical site a half an hour early. Yet as we walked in, an unexpected resentment started to build up in me. I walked through the halls, and saw the residents in the hallway either asleep sitting in their wheelchairs, or moving slowly through the hallways with their walkers. I cringed at the smell of stale fabric and old urine. I was thinking to myself how would I do this, if I was already beginning to dislike it. In that split moment I started feeling despair and hopeless. I started thinking this isn't what I wanted to be doing the rest of my life. Those thoughts scared me, since I had put so much work to get this far-to make it to my first day of clinical. But then during orientation I was reminded of why I was here. Our orientation leader talked with passion about the residents there. I realized that those people were once young and productive people, and their lives were full of excitement and hope, just as mine is now. But disease overtook their bodies against their will, and they now have a new kind of life. I knew that I was there to love them in their despair and help them in their helplessness. Then I got to meet the resident I would be taking care of, and a whole new reality came into my view. I was now responsible for this woman's care. I observed that my resident has acquired a certain pessimistic attitude over the years. She has been at that facility for 3 years, and feels hopeless and lonely. But when I walked in behind the CNA to meet her and greeted her with a smile, she responded positively. I knew then that it would be my goal to bring a new life and hope into her life. Throughout the next two days I was able to interact with her and talk with her. I changed my first real depends, and gave my first real bed bath! Then on the second day after having changed 4 depends, and was on my 5th one, my resident said something that made me think. She blurted without warning, "I bet you never thought you were going to be wiping people's bottoms for your career." I just laughed, but my mind was quietly racing. I wanted to respond defensively but I kept my response to myself. I was thinking she was right, this wasn't exactly the dream. But my dream is bigger than bathing people and changing depends. It is the fact that I am helping them do what they cannot do for themselves, and what most people would shy away from doing for someone else. I am showing a love that goes beyond the ordinary. I dream to mimic my Jesus. He showed his love to everyone: the bad, the ugly, the rude, the strong, the weak, and probably even the stinky. He kissed the lepers clean when no one would even walk in their general direction. I wanted to share THAT dream with her.

All I hope now as I return next week for clinical is that I can keep that in mind. I hope I will not grow cold or tired of serving these people, but my dream and passion for people will be renewed every hour I am there.